I’m stuck and I don’t know why. Well, I know a few factors, but I can’t understand the fear I have of making things lately. Not everything I do will be perfect, I understand that completely but I cannot for the life of me get over it right now. I’ll get home from work and be ready to work on a few things I’ve been mulling over and I just can’t make myself do it. I can’t go in the studio and even sit down at my work desk. I know it doesn’t help that I’ve been sick a lot this winter (Chicago weather is brutal this year). Every month at least I have a sinus infection, allergy issues, general cold; which leads to resting up a lot and that often leads to depression for me. It’s a vicious cycle where I just want to lay in bed and time seems to move so slow. Laundry piles up, garbage cans overflows. A lot of wondering what the hell I’m doing with my life if I’m just working my day job and not doing the things I enjoy in my spare time. I start to feel withdrawn from social interactions, and when I finally do see my friends I am afraid they will be upset that I haven’t been hanging out much (they never say anything, I just worry I will disappoint them). Worry never solved anything, yet I do it everyday.
Maybe I just need to be more mindful to create a space that I feel comfortable in and can meditate on the good things in my life. And I need to do this instead of just saying I should do this. I have been making sure to put myself first as to take care of myself mentally and I think it’s been a huge benefit to my well being. I can feel ok! I can be happy!
Oddly enough, writing this out and knowing I’m sharing on my blog makes me feel better. I know I’m not the only one out there who feels like this and it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Been spending a lot of time here lately. Good thing my bed is cozy.